In today’s post, I’ll look at some more aspects that might be problematic to men when it comes to romantic fiction – perfect partner and objectification.

Sometimes, it seems that the world is giving us very contradicting signs. For all the popular belief that men only care about perfect looks and not personality and the objectification of women, these same elements tend to be quite heavy in the opposite direction in romantic fiction, which is heavily written for women. However, when I thought more about this aspect, it does seem that romantic fiction tends to objectify both men and women. After all, in most movies, both members of the couple are, typically, good-looking.

Especially in movies, this often goes quite far into that aspect, more so for the male lead who tends to be simply way too perfect – good-looking, fit, successful, wealthy, charismatic, and so on. The female lead is often also quite good-looking, though other aspects might not be present. This might contribute to self-image issues and lead all the way to various misjudged views of one’s worth for dating when they’re very far from that, feeding various insecurities and feelings of inadequacy. With very few ordinary people (especially among male protagonists) displayed in romantic movies, this disrupts the escapism element – as if the happy ending was reserved only for a chosen few.

I guess this hits even harder for men when it comes to the fact romantic fiction focuses a lot on the man’s wealth and social status at a time when the difference between the few extremely rich people and the normal populace is growing. Thus, instead of escapism, it leads to exactly the opposite effect. The male character is often a “ready-made” partner with little to no space for character development. In such situations, it’s also very much one-sided as the male lead is the sole provider of any actual effort in building the relationship while he receives very little in return.

In stories like paranormal romance or urban fantasy, the male lead is also often already quite experienced in their skillset, which also leads to a conflict of interest as this character takes the role of a guide as well as the role of a lover – a situation that, in reality, has a high-risk of this power difference being abused. From the male view, these relationships often go into unhealthy aspects in many ways.

When it comes to the female lead’s development, a lot of it tends to be focused on adjusting to the male’s life – in the typical romance, that might be related to adjusting to a loftier lifestyle; while in genres like paranormal romance, that means dealing with the exposition to a world they didn’t know about, including finding how their presence falls into the larger plot. But, strangely enough, it often doesn’t affect them too much (especially in movies and standalone books which have little space for deeper delve into character personality).

Another issue from the male perspective might be some degree of staleness. The female characters might be quite diverse and, to some degree, might more often tackle present-day issues facing women. This doesn’t seem to be the case for issues men see in modern dating or gender roles. Aside from the feeling that you aren’t the target audience, it might lead to the idea that ordinary men’s views don’t matter at all.

This might include situations that touch consent and communication – especially clear signs of interest rather than ambiguous hints, talking about issues (especially in a way that focuses on facts rather than emotions) rather than being given the silent treatment or being expected to read minds. Likewise, different boundaries (or their interpretation) for high-status men compared to “normal” men might further alienate men from reading the typical romance.

Another idea that came to my mind stems from two different types of movies: Mr. and Mrs. Smith and White Chicks. Mr. and Mrs. Smith is quite close to what I see as a potential for a male-friendly romantic movie. It has both action and comedy aspects. The female lead is successful on her own rather than needing a perfect man to lift her up. And, when it comes to blows, he still tries to talk things out and holds back more than she does (which would be quite in-character for many men).

When it comes to White Chicks, a movie my sister liked to watch as a teen, I would guess that one of the points was to show (through major exaggeration) the differences between male and female thinking. However, it also shows a lot of toxic female behavior: first, the partner of one of the male leads constantly suspects him of cheating – even when he gets home just a minute later – and her friend supports that. She doesn’t seem to appreciate or acknowledge the risks he takes as an FBI agent – a dangerous occupation. And, the final blow from the view of many men, it’s still him who apologizes at the end even though, objectively, she’s the main cause of their relationship struggle, which she doesn’t even recognize (jealousy, being suspicious of him without reason, and having no understanding for the goofiness of male friendships or the need for her partner’s time for himself).

Personally, I think that romance being the main plot element simply puts these abovementioned issues a lot into the spotlight, from men’s perspective. A few years ago, I made a post about why romance works so well as a subplot in fantasy, as well as a writer’s perspective on that topic. To put it short, the key part is that the shared hardships in a larger plot make things feel much more organic. It becomes a realistic strength and weakness in one package and the bond simply feels stronger when it’s created as the background of some larger threat. In such situations, the romantic elements feel more genuine and emotional, rather than transactional.

I guess the three posts I’ve made on this topic so far might be too theoretical, so in the next post, I’ll get much more specific about what might make romance more appealing to men and why.