In the fourth episode of my analysis of the strained relationship between men and romantic fiction, I’ll look at what men might expect from romance.

The following aspects will be something that is important in reality, but displaying those aspects in romantic fiction would, for the same reason, lead to more positive reactions from men. Especially as one of the main motivations to read fiction is to enjoy things working out better than in reality.

Clear signs of interest

One problem many men see in dating, especially those with less experience, is that vague signs of interest aren’t clear enough. This is more important lately with the discussions about consent and misinterpreting signs. It creates a feedback loop where a lack of experience leads to the inability to spot some subtler signs, thus feeding the lack of experience. Clear signs of interest also make things feel less like the initial stages of a relationship are all on the man who needs to be on the lookout for potential signs (without misinterpreting them) while the woman doesn’t often do much to help things move forward (past those vague signs).

Just the same, showing initiative when planning time together is a good way to show that the woman is serious about the relationship. Given that a lot of these tasks are often reliant on men, clear signs of interest and active participation are major positives and can be further motivators to keep going forward, while a lack of them might be an easy source of doubt regarding the seriousness or intent of the relationship. As I mentioned before, men can feel used when dating, and this feeling often comes from one-sided effort. A story fueling those feelings can’t expect to have much success among men.

Clear communication

I mentioned this aspect in the previous post as well. A woman saying “I’m fine” expecting the man to figure things out without any communication on her side will only lead to further bad blood. Building trust comes from being able to talk about problems, focusing on facts, rather than raw emotions.

Doing so might be hard, but it shows strength and willingness to put in the effort it takes to keep the relationship going, and it doesn’t matter if it’s the first day, or a decade down the line. Solving a problem as a team should be a key element in a relationship.

With this also comes the ability to admit mistakes and apologize for them instead of misdirecting the blame or avoiding responsibility. Also, most men are fed up with the abovementioned in their lives, they don’t want to see the same in books they read to relax.

Mutual support and trust

Another aspect that might be obvious and follows up the previous point. In reality, it’s common that talking about a difficult topic in one’s life is easily weaponized against them. A good relationship would have the pair help each other overcome the pain points from their lives, whether they’re days or years old. Like it or not, we’ve all been through something unpleasant, and such things leave a mark that lasts a long time, sometimes forever.

Trusting your partner and seeing such vulnerability as a show of strength instead of a weakness, as well as trying to help deal with something that might be a very traumatic experience, shows a lot of inner strength and compassion, and works as a great way to show someone’s character. And, unfortunately, this seems to be lacking too much these days (which makes it a strong contributor to escapism). And, likewise, pressure to perform is a problem many men feel, especially once things are heading towards intimacy. Which is where clear communication and mutual support matter a lot.

This might actually be a bigger thing than I would expect – thinking about it, many of the books with romantic subplots I’ve read had featured the pair helping each other to deal with something that’s been a pain point in their life, growing past that and turning that into a source of their inner strength, into being proud of what they’ve overcame. Which is easier to achieve with a supporting partner than on your own.

A story that would provide a positive example would be received better than the opposite.

Flaws are fine…

People in reality aren’t perfect, and they don’t need to be perfect in fiction. This is much more true for romance plots, where it’s much easier to feel judged. Realistic flaws contribute to character depth and open the way for showing realistic issues and differences rather than fabricating arbitrary drama through elements such as love triangles and false hope.

This includes appearance. The main characters don’t need to be perfect. As I said before, being too perfect will make it harder to connect to the character and, if it’s in the physical appearance aspect, feel like objectification (more so if character depth is lacking).

…pointless drama isn’t

If there’s one thing men want from relationships, it’s for them to add quality to their lives, not take it away. Pointless drama, often caused by the lack of clear communication, one-sided effort, and other already-mentioned issues, simply won’t appeal to male audiences. If men are expected to put more work into sustaining the relationship, and all they get for their effort is pointless drama, lack of communication, and being taken for granted… why should they bother? And why should they want to read such a work of fiction? That’s not going to work for escapism.

Intimacy and sexuality

I touched on this topic years ago, focusing on fantasy as my genre of choice, but a lot of that applies here. Unless the characters are underage or on the asexual/demisexual spectrum, physical intimacy is a logical climax (pun intended) of a romantic relationship. That doesn’t mean that the scenes need to be explicit or detailed, or that men would enjoy sex scenes for the sake of sex scenes (there’s a specific genre for that purpose – erotica). I think it’s more about acknowledging this aspect rather than ignoring it. Fading out of the scene early and leaving it to the reader’s imagination is completely fine.

That said, a lot can be shown about a character’s personality by showing how they treat their partner in such a moment or what emotions they have about their first time, which can be a really powerful moment. If the focus is on the characters’ personalities and emotions rather than the physical act, such scenes can work really well. In my opinion, this is the key difference between romance with sex scenes and erotica (the latter focuses on the physical part and triggers arousal in readers).

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I think this sums up the main points. Before I wrap up this series, there will be one last post on this topic soon. In it, I’ll share a selection of my favorite examples from fantasy books I’ve read and why I enjoyed the romance subplots.